love? is really out there?

The world is an amazing place, with such amazing things to experience everyday we are alive. As I get older I experience new things all the time. One thing that is new every single time is love. There are so many different ways to experience love and it is something that one can experience everyday if they just pay attention. It's in movies, in the animals outside your window, and in strangers you meet. I love my friends and family and my music, but there is always one love that for me has never come. True love.

Maybe I'm just a bohemian in search of some fantasy true love. I don't know, but I have this ideal that it will come and once it does, once I find it life will be so amazing that I will wonder how I could possibly have lived without it. As I write this I run it over in my head and think about how crazy it sounds, but also how wonderful it sounds. I constantly see people who truly love eachother. In my eyes it looks like true happiness, that nothing else could be needed.

I wonder when will that happen to me. I'm 22. I can't really say that I've been "in love".....whatever that means. Sure I had some relationships, but was it love? Nah. I dream of falling into love and not knowing it until I'm up to my head in it. Is that possible? I guess so. In love I don't know that it's safe to rule anything out.

Love it always on my mind, but I guess I decided to put some of my thoughts into writing because of what has been going on in my "love" life these past few months. I finally went on what I would call a real date. We had small talk, getting to know eachother. It was nice, yet I'm embarassed. Embarassed of falling in love? Hmm...seems kind of weird for a girl that dreams of falling in love. I think there's more to this. Could it be that I don't believe it could happen to me? Or maybe that I'm too scared to get in too deep for fear of failure? I don't know but something is keeping me from this feeling of love, even if it's not love that will last a lifetime.

You can't find that love of a lifetime until you find any love at all. When will that be? I'm waiting! wanting! Find me!