The evils of technology

When did I become so shy about sharing my deep feelings with people that nobody truly knows how I feel about an important subject? I just had a great conversation with a good friend and it began quite innocently, speaking the usual pleasentries and soon warped into a innocent game of twenty questions. I didn't expect it to lead to anything of deep conversation but it soon lead there requiring me to give up some answers that more than likely nobody had heard from me. Of course I was reserved in the beginning but, as we kept going I got more and more open. I soon realized how much better I felt that I had said what I had said. Then what I had said lead to more and more discussion and the two of us learning so much about one another that we previously hadn't known. Now looking back on it I thoroughly enjoyed it. What made me so open when that is not really something I do? Well partly the lateness of the hour didn't keep me from slipping but of course it was the means by which the conversation itself was happening. Yes that's right it was over the Internet. Words typed, sent out into space presumibly received by the other individual, in this case a friend, read and then responded to. What is it about this medium that allows me to speak so freely? It seems to act as my own alchohol, getting me drunk so I may speak my mind. Yet it's more than that. The person on the other end isn't able to read my facial expressions, sound of my voice and other body language so they don't get the full tone of he message I'm sending plus I can think about what I'm going to say for a much longer time than I would if I was face to face with the same person. I know that I'm a very careful person and the idea of having a face to face conversation and having to think quickly and answer quickly may scare me into muteness. Whatever it is, it's not fate to me or the other individual. This is something I should work on as a person, especially if I intend to sustain a romantic relationship. Those kinds of relationships should not prosper on fiber cables!

Older and wiser?...

Wow! It's really been a long while since I've been on here, and added to this. I'm now 24, nearly a quarter of a century old. I'm not sure why but this birthday has hit me harder than many. Not because I feel ancient with one foot in the grave. Not at all. I'm actually very excited to be where I am. This past month I have been noticing more of what is important to me and what is dispensable. It's actually made me a happier person.

This past week I spent virtually every day, Sunday-Sunday with one particular person. I have always looked to this person for wisdom and advice in some of my lowest times. I knew this person was someone special to me but I don't think I truly appreciated it until this week. He is a person that I have this amazing connection with. We are able to have some wonderfully deep conversations or the most goofy. I think one of the best things is he treats me as a complete person with something to give to the world. I'm not this young person that knows nothing. To him what I think and say matters. Plus he's an absolute gentleman! No door am I to touch. No heavy bag am I to carry. It's so refreshing, from the day to day interactions with people. Chivalry is dead! I don't care who thinks I'm wrong or who thinks that a strong woman has to do everything for themself. No, sometimes it's nice to be cared for as a woman. I don't think it makes me a weaker woman, actually quite the opposite.

I've also found that my best friend has changed a lot. I spent some time with her while I was home and found that she has blossomed over the year. She was a beautiful person before, but interestingly enough becoming a mother has made her listen more and I guess like me really seek out the important things in life. I wrote here before that I was afraid of losing her and while we don't get hardly any time to spend with her I strangely enough feel closer to her. I was sad that our little time together had to end, but we are still connected through technology but also weirdly enough spiritually.

I am hoping to take this new found wisdom, appreciation and happiness with me to Connecticut. I want this new perspective to seep into my music and push me towards a wonderful career. I'm not sure what the path will be just yet, but I feel that it will be very worthwhile and fulfilling.

On to a new chapter!