as perfection crumbles...

Perfection? I learned as a kid that there is no such thing. Only "God" is perfect. Yet, we all are in the pursuit of perfection. To be the greatest at whatever it is we're doing....at least that's what I've done all my life. In my short time on this planet in this pursuit I began to believe that I had attained a piece or my personal perfection. Yet...as I've been moving through these last few years, the perfection I found and became comfortable with has crumbled.

Growing up in a small town it was easy to shine. To find what appeared to be perfection was easy because what seemed perfect to most may have been, because there was nothing to compare it to. By the end of high school I was on top of the world. There was nothing that could stop me. Sure I wasn't the ultimate "perfect", but I had that piece of it. When I began my undergrad, I learned that I wasn't quite as perfect as I thought I was. People my age or just a few years older could do the same things I could do, and sometimes better. To me that meant, well I've got to be that good, and being young I did that. I put myself back on the top. I regained that little piece of perfection I had worked to get.

Now, I'm in the same situation as I was four years ago, yet working harder doesn't seem to be working. The harder I work the more I see my perfection crumble. Everywhere I walk someone has more of a piece than I have. The perfection that helped keep me on top of th world is no longer there. All I have are the crumbles, and this time the crumbles won't piece back together like soft play-doh. They're hardened and can only be softened by a special solvent. What that solvent is I don't know, but it must be out there. Call me an eternal optomist, but really that solvent has to exist. What is it? Is it hard work? Is it more experience? Age? The right environment? What? Help! I want that piece of perfection!

I should clarify that this "perfection" I talk about isn't the ultimate perfection. It is a combination of confidence, ablity and other things that I can't really describe. So I'm not trying to be "the best". That's not the point, but I guess it's to be the best for me. My best.

Meanwhile I'll pick up my crumbles and save them for the magic solvent.