Life's rollercoaster

It's very interesting how quickly my outlook can change. Yesterday I was not feeling too great about myself and what I have decided to devote my life to. I practiced that morning and really didn't feel good about what I got accomplished. I was toying with the idea that I had made a terrible mistake and should just suck it up and find something else to do with my life. I was actually ready to quit music! I got to my class and listened to a great lecture that first got my musical interest peaked. Then we had our usual performance and it was so amazing. Usually I sit and listen and it doesn't really get me too excited. It's just another master class performance that I have to sit through. Well this gal got up and it started out a little rough, but soon she got comfortable and just played the hell out of her violin! It was so awesome. I began listening, and wanted to do that! I wanted to just play the crap out of my oboe. Not for McEwen, not for my audience, just for me. That's all that should matter anyway. It's my creation, not theirs. If they don't like it, then that shouldn't bother me.

After that class I was feeling pretty good. Much more lifted than when I had arrived with thoughts of quitting altogether. So I made my way to the Jordan Hall Building to sit in on the last hour of the Renée Fleming master class. I don't completely care for her voice, but I respect everything she has done and especially what she has to say. I was able to hear two singers and it inspired me to once again make music. I don't know what it was. Maybe it was that I once again wanted to be up there performing or that she had some wonderful things to say. Whatever it was I was beginning to climb to the clouds.

So as it ended I headed upstairs to set in for a nice long practice session....what would prove to be the last before my lesson today. I got into a nice secluded room and kicked off my shoes, got my stuff out and began. I told myself: Ok you've got 3 hours to make these four etudes perfect. If it takes 3 hours so be it...if not, then I guess I have some time to burn! It was like magic. I started slow, working on stuff that just wasn't right. Slowly that stuff got fixed. Within an hour and a half I had worked through all 4 and felt very confident about them. I knew that I could walk into my lesson and play them! That's such a great feeling!

Today, I get into my lesson and I did it! I played the crap out of my etudes! Were they perfect? Hell no. I'm not perfect and never will be. What I did do, is play them very well with some minor things to fix in each of them. That's what McEwen is there to do right? He's there to find the bad things in my playing and fix it. I even got a "nice" while I'm playing because I had surprised him on my interpretation of an etude. The lesson was great. He asked me to do something and for the most part I could do it. There are some things I need to work on this week, but not anything I can't handle. I'm hoping that my last 2 lessons this semester go the same way, and I can leave Boston with a nice taste in my mouth to propel me into the nex semester.

So in a matter of a day I went from thoughts of quitting to being up in the clouds! It's wild, but I like it. I'm now motivated to push myself hard to what I want!

To top it all off tonight I managed to get 2 free tickets to the BSO concert with Renée Fleming and it was AMAZING! They began with excerpts from Berlioz Romeo et Julliette. I'd never really heard that piece but it really had some very nice moments. The next piece was a premiere by Renée Fleming. It was amazing. I have so many of her cds, but to hear her live is such an amazing experience. I think since they were french she took a different approach to them. Her voice was so light and floaty. I loved it! She also sang some Duparc songs. Then the final piece was La Mer! Such a great piece. It was so nice to hear Ferrillo play it. Too bad it wasn't before I had to play it! Anyway, tomorrow is another day to get awesomazing!