Ok, well I'm still struggling with feeling alone. It's not that I'm lonely, but that it feels as though nobody cares for me, out here at least. I hate the feeling, but the more I think about it, it's something that happens to me in my last years at places. I had a sort of similar experience my senior year of high school and I ended up writing a full concert band piece to feel better. If that's what I need to do to correct, it I should get started now!
Enough talk about that, this week I had my second lesson with Barb and it went pretty well. She played on my reed and was in amazement of how good it was. She bowed down to me for it! She also put me on the spot to play some etudes for her, and I did them really well, and she was impressed once again. We then got into talking about the Goossens and I think she liked my playing on it because she basically just wanted me to work out some musical details and then start memorizing it for the concerto competition!! I think that's a good thing. Now, will I actually memorize it and do the concerto competition, probably not. Well, we'll see... Anyway, so it was good. I have 9 Saturdays (not counting tomorrow) until my recital. That means 9 weeks....I think I can pull that off. Then that gives me about another 10 weeks until auditions, which I'll be adding just a few things to what I already know and am working on. I'm getting really nervous, but also excited!!!
I'm hoping that I get into a very good school and a place that makes me happy. I really think that things will be different in grad school, and I'll add those missing pieces to my life. Plus I'll be just another step closer to getting a job! How much fun will that be. I don't really know, as I can only imagine. Oh well...... Goodnight for now.
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