Passion...Perfection?

Passion or perfection? Today in rehearsal this dilemma was brought to my attention once again. It's so hard in the music business to figure out which should be your priority because as much as you try they can't both be. As we started rehearsal and run through the massive Mahler 9 I was trying to bring my passion back to the forefront and forget to worry about perfection yet at the same time feel the energy of the orchestra. Sadly the group energy was not one I wanted to be apart of. It was one of cynicism. Instead of being excited to bring out their deepest emotions to the eager audience they were there only to play the notes on the page because they had to. The inspiring words of Zander were lost on the group. People were giggling and making snide comments, but what he spoke was true and from the heart. I can even admit that I was on the lemming bandwagon of being cynical towards Zander, but truly the words he spoke today made me snap out of it. I couldn't be forced to hide my true feelings.We are here to make music and say something. We're not here for perfection. Why must we be so cynical that we completely loose sight of the emotion of music? It really really bothers me; pretty much ruined my day.

As I began to really think about it today I was trying to figure out a way to rise to the top while believing in the things I do. Zander seems to have made it, but so many people make fun of him and don't think much of him. I don't want to be that. I guess I shouldn't care what people think, but knowing what I know about the likability of Zander it hurts me. He's rare, and people can't seem to believe the things he says to be true. For them it can't be true. Nobody could be that real. It's just not possible in this day and age.

I pledge right now that I WILL NOT loose sight of why I'm here. Not perfection, but the passion and conversation I wish to have with people that choose to listen to me. I shall not be crucified for being real and pursuing that hidden emotion waiting to emerge. This pledge means that I may not be perfect, but as Zander puts to eloquently "How Fascinating!"